Recently, I became curious about those ingredients
that make certain relationships thrive and work. I see a lot of broken
relationships in my work. Marriages, siblings, friendships and work
relationships all plagued by distrust, hurt, resentment and the withholding of
love and service.
The underpinnings of strong and healthy
relationships in my observation, are those that are drawn together by purpose
and fueled by passion. Friendships drawn together with a vision to be better
mothers and fathers produce a conscientious and intentional way of showing up
relationally. Conversely, relationships that fall into stagnant, visionless and
purposeless connections give birth to all types of dramas. The fuel for these relationships
are gossip, suspicion, speculation, strategic sabotage, offense and cycles
of “break-ups” and “make-ups”.
Purpose has a way of anchoring relationships and
gives individuals courage to transcend hurt and misunderstanding to hold onto
what is important. Passion for the purpose serves as the lubrication around
areas that get uncomfortable and chaffing in relationships. I remember serving
on the board where a specific individual “chaffed” me at every meeting. The
organization was doing noble work which strongly aligned with my personal beliefs and
life philosophy. I loved the work we did and the lives we impacted. Many times however, I was tempted to quit and walk
away but the passion for the work and my own sense of purpose tied into the
purpose of this organization kept me connected. Eventually, I was
able to break through with this person and we remain close friends today. Outside
of purpose and passion this relationship was doomed and would have become a
casualty to a purposeless existence. Now we have a strong and healthy
partnership and can call on each other as trusted friends.
I encourage you to take inventory of your life, of
the relationships that work and those that don’t. I am convinced that you will see
a theme. Those relationships that have been drawn together by purpose and are
fueled by passion have the ability to endure all seasons. Consider what brings
you together in relationships that are marked by conflict and drama. WHAT FUELS
THESE RELATIONSHIPS? Relationships aren't underpinned by purpose are
typically held together by drama. Contemplate why you stay invested in relationships
that do not lead to strong partnerships and then begin to invest more intentionally in your authentic partnerships.
