A holiday marked on a calendar once a year does not
magically orchestrate thankfulness. It is Thanksgiving, and I am in a season of
grieving at the sudden and recent passing of my wonderful husband. Similarly many
others may have little to be thankful about. I typically awake to the world curious about
what life will bring me each day. I was more curious about what today would
look like … after all it is Thanksgiving. Going through my daily regiment turned
out to be an intensely reflective time as I pondered the events of the past 3
and a half months.
I became acutely aware, how oftentimes, as human beings
we want something tangibly felt before thankfulness is evoked and spoken. What comes
first the chicken or the egg? I became
intrigued with the idea that cultivating a heart and mindset of
thankfulness precedes “good” things happening in life and activates a flow of
grace that enhances one’s ability to outlast challenging times.
Cultivating thankfulness implies an attentiveness to
fostering, enriching developing and promoting this mindset. The opposite of cultivating,
is neglect. Neglecting to be thankful causes self-harm in that thankless people
tend to focus on everything that is not good in their lives and this often leads
to poor health, depression and anxiety.
Being thankful and kind calms the nervous system
(Hamilton, 2010) and promotes a sense of overall wellbeing (Sansone, Randy,
Lori & Sandsone, 2010). We do not need research to encourage us to be
thankful. This is going back to basic and simplistic living when we were taught
by parents and caregivers as our speech developed, to say “Thank you”. Thankfulness is not a feeling it is a
discipline and an intention. I am interested about my journey through my
grief how much thankfulness has oiled the difficult areas I have walked through
and how it strengthens me to stand in the hard places and embrace the memories
of my love without wavering or questioning and asking “what if?”
I am thankful for how we met, thankful for the joy we
found and lived with, thankful for our adventures, thankful for how we
supported and cared for each other, thankful for how we believed in each other,
thankful for the tough days and the good days, thankful for the cost of our
love and what it took to be together, thankful for the sacrifice, thankful for
the spontaneity of our days, thankful that we loved cooking together, thankful
that I got to make the bed while he walked the dog, and thankful that I go to
clean the toilets while he constructed “interesting meals”. I am thankful even
in his death that I continue to learn many unique and wonderful stories about
the way he lived. I miss him every day – I am thankful that I miss him because
being relieved at his passing would say something quite different about our
love.
There is so much to be thankful for. Don’t wait for the feeling
or a gift. Get your immune system up. Allow thankfulness to help you transcend
your current situation whatever it is. Cultivate a heart and mindset of
thankfulness so that it activates a flow of
grace that will enhance your ability to outlast challenging times. Thankfulness
is smart living. Be smart J
Reference
Hamilton, David. Why kindness is good for you.
Hay House, Inc, 2010.
Sansone, Randy A., and Lori A. Sansone. "Gratitude
and well being: The benefits of appreciation." Psychiatry
(Edgmont) 7.11 (2010): 18.
I hope to be as strong as you one day Abby. Your writings teach and inspire me to find the tools I need to not only love myself a bit more, but to pass on that love, not just to my animals.. but to the homeless man who lives in the park, to the women collecting cans to feed her little baby.
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