Keys to Identifying and Cultivating Meaningful Relationships

I am finding that more and more people have a longing for meaningful connection. This innate desire for a depth and quality of relationship has no discrimination. Those who are single and those who have partners desire for genuine relationships that offer safety, validation and confirmation of self-worth and value - a space where individuals are free to be themselves.

It is no surprise that scientific evidence is showing that our earliest relationships build brain structure and influences how we relate throughout life. Neural circuitry encodes our relational experiences between 12 through 18 months and determines unspoken rules, templates and patterns for relating. It explains why we do not remember specific details about why we respond to certain relationships the way we do as our responses flows from the imprint of neglect, abandonment, fear, security or safety we encountered in our earliest development.

Once you understand this about yourself, you are better able to change and regulate your behaviour. Choose to challenge what you "feel" with what is "true" about those in your world right now. Don't avoid people who care about you because you fear rejection particularly when they have consistently shown you that they care. Risk being authentic - defy feelings and anxiety about not being liked because," if people really knew what you are like they won't like you." People are attracted and gravitate towards authenticity rather than fear and anxiety. Lastly, the people who confirm your worth, those who you don't have to perform for or act a certain way with, to gain their acceptance- are those who are meant to be in your life.

I taught my daughters this value principle as they became young women that, "those who confirm your value are those who you allow to remain in your life, because those who come into your life and give you value are those who can take value with them when they leave your life." In such circumstances, individuals often feel lost, worthless and confused when people who supposedly cared, walk away from their lives.

Once you are secure in yourself and understand your value you will be able to make better choices about the types of relationships you want and need in your life, as opposed to the ones you tolerate or endure. This will assist you in never settling or allowing others to be regulators of your self-worth and value. Take responsibility about how responsive and vulnerable you would like to be to cultivate meaningful relationships with those who see/confirm your value. Shut off the valve for "value depleters" in your life and observe how the quality of relationships that surround your life improves, flourishes and empowers you.