Sunglasses

Recently I was traveling with a girlfriend. She was driving and we were having a great visit. She was engaged in our conversation but I could tell that she had a greater appreciation for the scenery than I was having. Eventually she pulled off her funky sunglasses and handed it to me. My opinion of what I was seeing changed immediately as I saw the landscape in clear dimensions and vivid colour.

Perspective is something that came to mind. It is that ability to see things in the context of their environment. Prejudicial thinking often leads us to form opinions without bothering with the facts. We judge things through our filter of preference, level of comfort and opinion. When we do this our perspective is skewed because we judge facts through a filter that alters what we are looking at. The filter/perspective by which we view a matter is superimposed on the "actual" experience so that the reality/facts are distorted.

As a parent I place high value on respect. The thing that irritated me the most was when I used to give my children instructions for chores and they did not complete it or half completed it. I viewed their behaviour through my perspective that, "to follow through means that you have heard me and that you respect me to complete your task". My children's' insistence that they had forgotten or were distracted did not cut it for me and there was often consequences with little value in the outcomes. No one was happy. It was interesting that as I started to study and become more informed I realized that there were strong facts to support my children's "claims". Their prefrontal cortex - that part of their brain that involves rational thinking, where impulses are regulated and understanding of consequences is realized is underdeveloped in the teenage brain. My perspective changed from feeling disrespected to coach and educator. I began to find ways to help them remember and set systems in place that allowed them check in with me until their task were completed. What I was looking at did not change but the lens by which I was looking at did.

If you find that the same type of misunderstanding and conflict re-occurs in the various types of relationships in your life, it is likely that you are looking through a lens that colours the facts differently. Just like my friend's purple sunglasses caused me to have a greater appreciation for the landscape I was looking at, it is likely that a change in perspective will allow you to see the facts in the context of their reality and that distortion will give way so that you are able to make informed and healthier choices. This way you break old and dysfunctional patterns as you begin to view your world differently.