What Your Yes and No Says About Your Self-worth

Do you find yourself saying yes all the time to all requests made by those who matter in your world? Are you exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally? Do you find it difficult to say no? When you say no, do you ruminate and worry about what those you have said no to are thinking of you? Then it is very likely that you believe, 
                       “my self-worth = my performance and the opinion of others.”

When this distorted sense of self is accommodated you will do whatever you need to, to try and alleviate the pain and discomfort of being devalued or without value. It is difficult to say “no” when saying yes will bring you the validation, affirmation and recognition you need to feed this inaccurate sense of worth. 

The reality is the more you say yes to gain worth and approval the more you devalue yourself. I have heard countless stories of those who feel “taken advantage of, being unappreciated, invalidated and used”, because they are constantly asked to do things and they constantly agree to help regardless of whether they want to or not. Resentment builds in these individuals as they wait and hang all their efforts on being acknowledged and affirmed hoping to top up their self-worth. 

When you have a healthy sense of self saying no becomes the regulating valve to acknowledging your own value. Saying no to a friend, family member or boss is not an act of withholding but an act of assertion. It is saying yes to yourself to preserve and sustain your mental, emotional and physical health, valuing yourself - so that you can ultimately be of better service.

Saying yes out of obligation for fear of disapproval is different than saying yes because you want to. Saying no because you are self-absorbed and uninterested in helping is different from saying no because you understand your value and “get” how it will be compromised if you said yes. Your yes or no are the regulating valves to asserting and affirming your value. 

Value from without requires excessive amounts of energy to sustain itself. You are pulled into performance mode like a puppet on a string performing to gain worth. Value from within is anchoring. It is easy to assert your value when you know who you are. Who you are is not what you do. It is your innate sense of worth. You have value because you exist. You can’t earn it or perform for it. You just have to realize it.So according to the old adage, "let your yes be yes and your no be no." Know what you are saying yes to and why,  and know what you are saying no to and be unwavering. Be diligent about preserving your self-worth.