The book by P. D. Eastman, " Are You MY Mother?" though entertaining for my children when they were younger is a gift to parents in teaching them the need for children to know their identity and have a sense of belonging. The book starts off with a mother bird leaving a close to hatched egg in order to go and find food. The egg hatches in her absence and the baby bird falls out of the nest attempting to find it's mother. The baby bird asks a chicken, hen, dog, cow and a finally a tractor (snort) if they were it's mother. The tractor puts the baby bird back in the "nest" (origin) and immediately the baby bird says to the bird in the nest, "you are not a chicken, hen, dog, cow or a snort" you are a bird and you must be my mother.
Identity is key in anchoring children. Children with no "identity anchor" grow up to be directionless and uncertain adults. They never seem to find their "nest" and are always trying to find out from material things, addictions, relationships and jobs, "are you my mother?".
The sad reality is that often when an indvidual finds his or her way back to the "nest" there is no one there to confirm their identity and sense of belonging. Generational dysfunction is a result of the lack of impartation of identity and the cultivation of identity in each generation. Parents who do not know who they are and where they come from have little capacity to teach their children personal value, good self perception and self worth.
My daughters and I experienced quite a devastating experience almost five years ago where EVERTHING we believed about who we were as individuals and a family was questioned. Our "identity anchor" was challenged and there was a strong possibility we could have been lost to the seas of unfortunate circumstances that has claimed many over the years. BUT, the enforcers of our coporate and family identity came to be with us. My sisters fully supported by their spouses, my brothers and my mom flew out and formed this protective barrier around us. For a month they walked with my girls and I. They laughed with us,cried with us, challenged us, comforted and cooked for us and they mentored my daughters as they shared war stories of both victories and defeats in their own lives all the while nurturing that seed of identity and belonging in us and reminding us that we were bigger than the circumstances and the adversity we were facing, and that we were also a part of an extension that was enduring and though bigger than us, included us.
This was the greatest gift our family could have given us at the time. I saw calm return to our lives, my daughters and I settled into the strength and affirmation/confirmation we had received and set our faces like flint to the harsh winds we were experiencing. We have all moved forward some days painfully but we kept moving. Knowing who we are and where we come from continues to fuel us in our journey.
I realize that not everyone has the strength of our family behind them. But I encourage you to become that family to find that redemptive strength in your lineage, regardless of what may have been demonstrated in your family start to cultivate an "identity anchor" so that your children and their children's children will have something to hold on to when their identity is threathened. That, when they come back to their "nest" there will be nourishement and refreshing and they will look and find strength!
