Acceptance is Power

Add caption

“Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Francis of Assisi

 

I am sitting at the airport contemplating my day. Our flight has been delayed two hours. I had used up all the battery life on my iPhone - from "stalking" my daughters and distant friends on Facebook. I am bored. After reading a crumpled and discarded newspaper and trying to lure my husband away from his work to entertain me(to no avail), I decided to finally relent and accept this delay instead of trying to find ways to be distracted from it. The words  of  Francis of Assisi came to mind and this got my wheels turning.

This man was exceptional in his insight from way back in the 13th Century. I could not change the fact that the weather had delayed the flight - this was beyond my control. I could not change my husband's steely focus on his project- this was somewhat in my control :) I became aware that my agitation and boredom was within my control and something I could change. So, I pulled out my laptop and decided to write this blog and put the delay to good use. Until this realization, I had no creative thought about writing. Something happened when I decided to accept my present circumstance. It unlocked an ability that would have otherwise remained dormant and un-accessed.

Many of us are exhausted and worn out because we have not developed the skill to accept the things we cannot change. When you choose for example, to accept that a relationship has ended, that you made a poor investment, or that a loved one is sick - the acceptance in itself gives you power to no longer be trapped by the powerlessness of your circumstances. By accepting that a relationship has ended you are empowered to position yourself to take what you learned and prepare yourself differently, because you have clarity about what you actually want and deserve in any future relationships. When you do not accept, that a relationship has ended, you become a victim to all the things that you wish you had said but never did. In a sense, your lack of acceptance keeps harming you because you are trapped in an ending that never ends without any room for a new beginning.
 
I had to exercise wisdom in discerning that my husband was too engrossed in the project he was working on. Demanding any attention from him would have been futile and frustrating. I then had to have courage to confront my own boredom and make an effort to change my attitude by writing a blog which had been on my "to do" list for the past week. The progression is subtle and if you are out of sync with yourself, you may miss the power and progression that comes with acceptance. After acceptance, comes courage and wisdom. Wisdom is the correct application of knowledge. Wisdom will increase your ability to discern how to effectively respond to your life challenges.

Acceptance, which may appear to be very passive at first glance, is actually a dynamic force that has the power to propel you out of an unpleasant situation into something hopeful, beautiful and transformative.   

Memory Foam Happiness

A memory foam mattress has a way of molding to the body that lies on it and forms a memory through the heat and pressure applied by that body. It is said that the comfort derived from sleeping on this mattress is bar none. This got me thinking about happy moments in my life and how the pressure from those moments on my emotions and memory cause such incredible feelings of happiness that when I am enveloped in that moment nothing else matters. The longer I stay in that memory the more I remember the beauty and the extravagance of that encounter and the more it creates a mold of comfort and joy around me.

As human beings, there is a strong pull to focus on the negative things in life and those areas of life that's not working for us. Science is showing that our brains and the way we think are structured and molded by what we focus on, give attention to, and rehearse. These patterns in our brains are called neural substrates. We create highways in our brain by how we think, and how we think becomes the vehicles that carry the cargo of our emotions, which is expressed by the way we respond to life. Have you ever noticed that people who focus on the negative things in life are grumpy, hard to be around and do not like themselves very much? It does not take much for them to revert to their negative and grumpy states -where even a harmless look from a passerby can be interpreted poorly and they find themselves immediately in a state of discouragement. The brain of this person is like that memory foam mattress, which is responsive to that familiar negative thinking and feeling pressure.

The great news is that our brains are responsive and malleable and can be trained to respond to different ways of thinking. By training your brain and changing your mind you are able to defy your genetic predisposition. You don’t have to be like your angry mother and depressed father. Choose to focus on what is working, as well as the good things that are happening in your life today. Scientific evidence is showing that the longer you stay with a happy memory, the longer you allow your senses to absorb the effects of that happiness, then the easier and quicker it is for you to get to that happy place again. This is true for when people say, "That just took me to my happy place". What is your happy place? For me it is often the birth of my children and my marriage but today I am thinking of my girlfriends who tease me about the way I pronounce things. I am smiling and thinking about ways I can be with them again and recreate those memories. I am molded and enveloped by the warmth of their love, acceptance, sisterhood and joy. I am choosing to stay with this memory 10 seconds longer as I write so that my brain cells respond to this stimulation of happiness and forms a stronger and more active memory so that I am able to access what is great and what is noble and joyous in my life quicker than what is negative and not working.

Find your happy place today and stay there just a few seconds longer, let your family, friends, colleagues and the stranger in the coffee shop become curious about that smile on your face :)