I have been mulling over your responses to my first post, “This Thing Called Avoidance”. Provoked by a response that spoke directly to the distinction between procrastination and avoidance I followed this curiosity and explored the topic further.
I have found great value in the final thoughts I have arrived at and like me I am hoping that they will help you understand and better monitor your actions and responses to the things or situations that you withdraw from or try to shut out from your consciousness.
I have found great value in the final thoughts I have arrived at and like me I am hoping that they will help you understand and better monitor your actions and responses to the things or situations that you withdraw from or try to shut out from your consciousness.
There is a definite sense that avoidance behaviours are linked to fear and an expectation of negative outcomes. People know that they must file their taxes and if they don’t that there are consequences yet, some won’t file their taxes for fear of doing something wrong or discovering that they owe the government money. Students grapple with writing an essay or an exam because they fear that they do not have a good grasp of the subject and will not have favourable results. Business owners fear starting up a project that they failed at previously even though they have a strong sense that the timing is right for success this time round and by default delay their own success because of avoidance.
In general we all avoid making that dreaded phone call where we need to confront someone or apologize to someone because we fear their response. We avoid talking to our meaningful other about serious matters since previous attempts at conversation ended in a stalemate or further misunderstanding. Somehow our past experiences impact our immediate response to pressing matters.
I would like to suggest that we all carry residue from past experiences such as failure, rejection and the inability to meet deadlines to name a few. I am sure you have your own list that you are starting to recognize as you read this blog. If you can find that thread of thought and what motivates it you can confront and challenge it and make concerted efforts to attend to the things/situations you avoid tending to.
In general we all avoid making that dreaded phone call where we need to confront someone or apologize to someone because we fear their response. We avoid talking to our meaningful other about serious matters since previous attempts at conversation ended in a stalemate or further misunderstanding. Somehow our past experiences impact our immediate response to pressing matters.
I would like to suggest that we all carry residue from past experiences such as failure, rejection and the inability to meet deadlines to name a few. I am sure you have your own list that you are starting to recognize as you read this blog. If you can find that thread of thought and what motivates it you can confront and challenge it and make concerted efforts to attend to the things/situations you avoid tending to.
Procrastination manifests itself in similar ways to avoidance yet the fuel and motivation is different. Hence, I like to call it the passive twin.
My investigation of this twin’s mannerism is that there is an underlying sense and acknowledgement that things must get done. Yet what needs to get done is too tedious and boring as compared to what I like doing and what makes me feel good. For example if I cooperate with my wife and start cleaning out the garage then I am going to lose my whole Saturday when I could be golfing. More often than not these impulses are acted on. The wife usually catches the husband sneaking out the house with his golf clubs and world war three breaks out! The husband if he is successful in his “escape” will in most times return from his golf game and go to the garage directly 1) to avoid the potential wrath of his wife and 2) to prove a point that he knew that the garage had to be cleaned and he got to it eventually.
Dishes will not get washed because the one on dish duty that night would rather watch a favourite show. So dishes end up waiting till the morning or possibly noon to get done. Procrastination the passive twin indeed with some aggression thrown in. (This will be another topic!)
My investigation of this twin’s mannerism is that there is an underlying sense and acknowledgement that things must get done. Yet what needs to get done is too tedious and boring as compared to what I like doing and what makes me feel good. For example if I cooperate with my wife and start cleaning out the garage then I am going to lose my whole Saturday when I could be golfing. More often than not these impulses are acted on. The wife usually catches the husband sneaking out the house with his golf clubs and world war three breaks out! The husband if he is successful in his “escape” will in most times return from his golf game and go to the garage directly 1) to avoid the potential wrath of his wife and 2) to prove a point that he knew that the garage had to be cleaned and he got to it eventually.
Dishes will not get washed because the one on dish duty that night would rather watch a favourite show. So dishes end up waiting till the morning or possibly noon to get done. Procrastination the passive twin indeed with some aggression thrown in. (This will be another topic!)
Avoidance is fear fueled and procrastination is preference fueled. Avoidance is fueled by an overwhelming sense of negative emotion ( hidden in our subconscious) which when understood or realized helps us choose differently.
Procrastination is a conscious choice to put off for tomorrow something that could be done today.
Both avoidance and procrastination produce and add stress to our lives.
The procrastinator may find 10 things waiting for him/her tomorrow … that MUST be done NOW!! Like, flushing out the sprinkler systems because the temperature has dropped and the pipes will freeze and burst.
The avoider knows that Christmas dinner is coming up and the unresolved issue between them and their parents will affect the whole evening.
Life is filled with enough stressors. It will behoove us to note the difference between procrastination and avoidance, identify ourselves in it and adjust our responses so as to improve the quality of our lives. I have lots of homework to do. Nothing challenges me more than what comes out of me….sigh! I can run but I cannot hide from meJ
Procrastination is a conscious choice to put off for tomorrow something that could be done today.
Both avoidance and procrastination produce and add stress to our lives.
The procrastinator may find 10 things waiting for him/her tomorrow … that MUST be done NOW!! Like, flushing out the sprinkler systems because the temperature has dropped and the pipes will freeze and burst.
The avoider knows that Christmas dinner is coming up and the unresolved issue between them and their parents will affect the whole evening.
Life is filled with enough stressors. It will behoove us to note the difference between procrastination and avoidance, identify ourselves in it and adjust our responses so as to improve the quality of our lives. I have lots of homework to do. Nothing challenges me more than what comes out of me….sigh! I can run but I cannot hide from meJ
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